The Lotus Pose

Our premarital counselling involved discussions about things like finances and family. What it did not include was a questionnaire about sleeping habits. Luckily for me. As I mentioned in “What Indians Do At Night” , Varun has some funny sleeping habits. But let’s be honest: mine are way wierder. I’m grateful we didn’t discuss this pre-nuptially, as somethings are better as surprises.

I have two sleeping problems.

1. I talk/yell/hit/cry in my sleep.
2. I often sleep sitting up.

The first, talking in one’s sleep, is not so unusual. Considering the fact that I spend my waking hours talking, it shouldn’t be a surprise that I keep talking into the wee hours. What IS surprising is that Varun has taken it upon himself to interact with my dreams. I’m not sure what to make of the Inception Style Mind Games Varun dreams up, but these two events were particularly hilarious.

[This particular dream involved me being taken to visit President Obama only to find out I’m to be part of his harem. As I make my escape, a dead woman chases me down a stairwell which spirals around an elevator. Don’t ask.]
Me: (still asleep) HELP! HELP!
Varun: (awake, but deciding to play along) What’s wrong?
Me: (asleep) I’m in an elevator and a dead lady is chasing me. Give me your hand. HELP!
Varun: (awake and enjoying himself) Okay! (Reaches out his hand and grasps mine tightly). Hang on!
Me: (asleep) Thank you! You saved my life!

Another night, another dream.
Me: (panting)
Varun: (awake and quite curious) Are you running from something?
Me: Yes! A dog!
Varun: Is it a big dog?
Me: Yes. He’s so angry.
Varun: (snaps his hands in a biting motion and grabs my forearm) AH! He bit you!
Me: (groggily coming to) What? No he didn’t. I’m watching him. He’s still chasing…HEY!!! Are you entering my dream?!

Now, about issue #2. Sometime after my last year in university I began noticing that I frequently woke up with serious neck-aches. I changed pillows. I bought a new pillow. I also noticed that every few nights I’d wake up sitting cross-legged in bed, shivering because the covers had fallen off and my head was nodding as I attempted to sleep. Odd. Very odd.

Fast forward. Now, as a married woman, I also have the advantage of having a Sleep Chaperone.

(One morning, eating breakfast)
Varun: Are you practicing to be a guru?
Me: (slurp)….?
Varun: You meditate all night like this. (Here he strikes a Bhudda style pose)
Me: (slurp)…Um. No..?

Only Varun.

Varun has taken to gently pulling me into a laying position and putting his arm around me to restrain me so that I’ll sleep lying down. One night, I wasn’t having it, however.

Varun: Why do you want to sit up?
Me: I HAVE to! I need to sleep!

I have no idea what this is about. Daytime Amelia is rather frightened and intimated by Sleeping Amelia. Suffice to say, in answer to the age-old question of What Do Indians Do At Night, the answer is: I’m still not sure, but this American does even stranger things.


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Beth
    May 13, 2011 @ 18:30:47


    b. Mike Birbiglia, “Sleepwalk With Me”

    c. You should maybe see a sleep specialist before you jump through a window. (see above)


    • Amelia
      May 13, 2011 @ 18:47:36

      a. AWESOME blog, despite the profanity it’s hilarious. Sidenote: I hope I too wake up one day to find 28,000 followers. (re: About)
      b. I <3 Mike Birbiglia
      c. Yes, I've been told….I was once locked in a tent so I wouldn't sleep walk out of it and wander off into the prairies to be eaten by coyotes


  2. Team Oyeniyi
    May 13, 2011 @ 19:09:32

    I grind my teeth in my sleep. Now, I used to think sleeping with a snorer was bad (had a BAD snorer husband once). Then I stayed over at a friend’s house. Friend also grinds teeth. OMG!!!!! The noise is AWFUL!

    I don’t think I could sleep sittingup, but look at this way – presumably you travel on long haul flights well – sleeping in a chair would seem natural to you!


  3. Joanna
    May 15, 2011 @ 23:13:22

    I can attest to her being locked in a tent :)


  4. Joyce
    May 17, 2011 @ 19:35:12

    hahahaha, you have just made my day! I haven’t laughed so hard all day!!! ~hugz~ You truly art amazing with your stories!


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