The Things We Say

Varun: Here, can you rub this sunscreen on me?
Me: Um, I guess. But with your complexion, is it even moral to put sunscreen on? Don’t you feel like you’re robbing the universe of sunscreen?
Varun: Nope.
(pause)
Varun: (singing) Baby, I am brown, brown, brown, brown, bro—-wnnnn!

(He was referencing this song, Down. I find this video amusing on two counts: 1. There are flashes of light coming from the singer’s hands and someone’s drink, 2. He tells the girl, “No need to worry/you’ll be my only” as he checks out and dances with myriad girls.)(I would describe this as moderately sketchy and not necessary to watch)

Yesterday, Varun and I were waiting in line at the Canadian border.
Me: Okay, I have an idea. Let’s code behavior and make a spreadsheet and do a study to find out who’s meaner, the US guards or the Canadian ones.
Varun: Um. We don’t need to do a study. It’s easy: Canada’s nicer.

(30 seconds later, at the border)
Canadian Border Officer: How long were you gone?
Me: 4 Days…
CBO: 4? It says here August 4th.
Me: Oh. Um okay, 3 days. I guess it felt like 4.
CBO: 3, 4. It doesn’t matter. Any alcohol with you?
Me: Yes. A bottle of whipped cream with alcohol in it.
CBO: HA! They make that?
Me: Oh yes, in America they do.
CBO: You guys are drunks! You can’t even have a Sundae without booze in it? HA HA
Me: (BLUSHING PROFUSELY)
Varun: (Looking at me like I’m about to get him deported)
CBO: Okay, well, enjoy.
(We drive off)
Me: We should have offered him some.

But seriously, people. What an invention! Mad thanks to a certain someone who lives in the great state of Hawaii where such things are sold.

Sundaes, anyone?!